Learning To Dance

It’s said that “you can never go home again” but what I thinks meant by that is that you can’t go back in time. And while that’s certainly true, at the same time it can seem impossible to move out of your past and into the present, let alone into your future! Despite all of that, earlier this year I did make a move! I moved my family from south-central to a new place in south-west Missouri,back to my hometown!

Not only my hometown,but to the very neighborhood I grew up in…

Even though I consider myself to be a sentimental person who as such is well acquainted with the “slings and arrows”which so often accompany it I’ll admit to being caught off guard by my subsequent reactions. It took a while for me to sort out why on a certain level I seemed angry about how so many things I remembered had changed! Like I was caught in the throes of some childlike egocentric fit over not having been “consulted”.

I didn’t say that the feelings were “right” only that I was having them!

Another thing I wasn’t really prepared for was the onslaught of questions that living in such close proximity to my past would move to the front burner of my mind or the rough terrain I’d have to traverse to find the difficult answers they demanded! Questions like…

“What the heck happened to my education?”


Just exactly where and how did my life “Jump the shark” so to speak…

 I want to make it really clear that this isn’t just some sort of pity party I decided to throw for myself nor am I attempting to fix blame on God or anyone else. Some of the events of my life have been rather unfortunate and apart from my aforementioned personal search for answers my intent or purpose in writing about them here is to encourage others who’ve had or will have similar experiences.Understanding our own issues of the past can be the key to moving beyond them into a better future! I can hardly express how important it is for me to be able to look back on my life and instead of feeling despair regarding certain aspects of it, to feel hopeful. Hopeful not only because I survived it but because I somehow found the courage to go on and the faith to believe there was something better waiting for me somewhere. lastly,to express my thankfulness to my Father in heaven who did then,and does now hold me in the palm of His loving hand!

I’d like to start with this video clip which was probably taken in the summer of 1971 when I was 10yrs old. As I watched it I remember being taken aback at how happy I appear to be! This video was taken by my father during one of the most difficult periods of my life,within a few months after my parents’ divorce.

The surrealistic background music provides a fitting contrast to the seemingly carefree display caught on the clip. It truly is a reality vacuum! Not only had my family recently changed in a not so good way, I’d also been the victim of significant sexual abuse on several occasions by people close to me. I’d recently become involved with a local church and had accepted Christ as my Savior, been baptized,and then when I stopped coming…forgotten.

I watched helplessly as my father who I worshiped became increasingly distant and more invested in his new life and family and less in me. I found out what it was to be hungry and to not have sufficient clothing that fit properly. And so at my lowest point,to then have my mother on whom I had become quite emotionally dependent begin spending a great deal of time away from me further compounded my feelings of insignificance. I was still just a bit too young to roam the streets after dark like my older brother…so I spent a lot of time at home alone.

When I watch this video…

I wonder what in the world I had to dance about!

And then it hit me…

I was playing the best cards I had in front of the one person I loved the most in the whole world! And despite everything wrong that had happened in my life up to that point in that moment,I chose to dance!

To block out everything else and focus on the only thing I felt had the potential to save me…

His love!

In my mind I was just doing what I’d always done…performing!

But what I was really doing was sort of the ultimate act of defiance.

I was in effect saying to the circumstances of my life,

You have not defeated me, you’ve thrown just about everything you could at me.

And guess what? I’m still dancing!

Isaiah 54:17

 No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is of me, saith the Lord.

It still inspires me…But what happened after that? You’d think that someone with that sort of “sand” would probably go far in life. I think what happened to me, and what happens to a lot of other people too is that we eventually become convinced that there’s nothing in this life worth dancing (or smiling) for!

When the subject of my education comes up what happened is no surprise considering I’d been a dedicated addict for almost six years at the age of 17. What I struggle to understand is why my school counselors and administrative staff chose to ignore what was happening. I attended a vocational course in the mornings which I was bused to and from daily and then spent the afternoons in various classes. As that last semester of my junior year came to a close I believe I was simply overwhelmed by the assignments which were due. Not knowing quite how to handle that I chose to simply skip the last eight days of afternoon classes…and so I flunked the eleventh grade!

I understand that I wasn’t the only “problem child” they were dealing with but I wonder could they of made a phone call to my parents? Aren’t there policies in place concerning this type of infraction? One last thing,anyone that reads this who attended my high school or any high school in the seventies for that matter knows what it was like as far as drug use on campus is concerned,and so, after they failed as an institution to provide a safe and secure environment for students to learn in and I become a victim of that I’m appalled that they could then decide that the thing to do is throw me out!

This took place during a time when my mother was going through another divorce from her second husband and we ended up moving from an upper class home in an exclusive neighborhood into a small two bedroom apartment. I did enroll the next year at a different school and lasted maybe a month before my principal at vocational school suggested that what would be best for me would be to quit school and get a GED. I did get a GED, and that was basically the end of my formal education although in truth I believe I learned precious little from formal schooling past the age of about 12.

One of the most common, if not the most common things you’ll hear Christian ministers say is “God has a plan for your life” and of course I believe that! I also believe that our enemy has a plan for us too…I’m convinced that on the day I made that walk down the isle and knelt down at an altar to accept Christ as my Lord and Savor there was a celebration in heaven! I also believe there was an emergency board meeting in hell! That meeting’s purpose was to put the kibosh on the plans my heavenly Father had for me and subvert the role I was designed to play in ushering in His kingdom.My sense is that there must of been no small amount of surprise and disappointment expressed by the attendee’s that their earlier efforts on my behalf had had so little present effect on me.

Knowing that my souls redemption was a done deal at this point, their only remaining option was to try and stop me from doing what I had the God given potential to do and be in Gods Kingdom by whatever means available to them! I mentioned at the beginning the feelings I’d been having and what I thought they were related to. However at this point I’d have to say that they’re actually directed at the forces of darkness which have for many years stolen so much from me in this life. Who’ve worked diligently behind the scenes orchestrating circumstances and events in my life to do towards me what’s prescribed in the mission statement below…

John 10:10

 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

Obviously there’s a disconnect between those two premises…

Genesis 50:20

 But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive.

These are all life verses to me…

They give me hope,encouragement and peace in the midst of my storms!

Romans 8:28

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

King David danced before the Lord. Out of joy that the Ark of The Covenant had at last been returned to Jerusalem. David had to go through quite a painful learning process as he endeavored to lay down his will and surrender completely to God. In my life I’ve been challenged by similar lessons,it seems as though I too was following the example of the Philistines! Learning to trust that God truly does know what He’s doing allows me to be able to sit, (or dance) so that He can stand for me! The answers to our problems are still the same for us today as they were for David then! All of us have a God sized hole which can only be filled by drawing closer to Him! By staying focused on The Father, through our Lord who is Love,which is the answer,instead of on our world and it’s problems! If we can do that, we can also experience the continual joy of being in the Lords presence!

To me,that’s what “learning to dance” means…

I’m afraid you’re right!

Do you ride horses? I haven’t recently,but many years ago I remember a time when a friend took me on a short ride. We had stopped for a bit, the gentle mare I was riding bent her head down and began to graze on the grass there at her hooves. “Don’t let her do that” my friend said,

You should always maintain control over a horse…once they get the idea in their head that they have the control they’re just no good to be ridden anymore!

A horse is an extremely strong animal, much stronger than any man! Despite this obvious physical superiority they can be trained to do various tasks using a small “bit” in their mouth that’s attached to a set of leather reins. Many horse trainers also use a whip or some similar instrument to terrorize the animal,seizing upon it’s natural fear of man to bring it under submission.

There are only a few animals that seem to have no natural fear of man! One such animal is a Cottonmouth snake also known as a “Water Moccasin”.


Another is the particularly aggressive Salt Water Crocodile. Include Grizzly bears,Great White Sharks,and Elephants! What most of these animals have in common is their extreme territorial nature. They own their domain and take any challenge either real or imagined very,very seriously…

Fear is extremely powerful. To this day I still don’t care to swim in the ocean because the movie Jaws scared me so much! And snakes? forget about it! Especially a Cottonmouth,they scare me to death!

Consider the role fear plays in each of our lives, are we like the horse? Do we let ourselves be “ridden” by a much less powerful creature who subdues us with fear and uses a bit of some kind to steer us? What would happen if we understood how powerful we are and decided to take control of our situations?

We wouldn’t be any good to be ridden anymore would we?

Are you sick of your life being one bad thing after another? Of being depressed or anxious because your life is just an endless stream of disappointments and failures? Do you worry about things that might happen, or sometimes just feel hopeless about your situation? Do you ever wonder what’s the point of living if it’s just a pain in the butt that you somehow manage to survive!

You may have someone on your back riding you…

Okay sure, I can relate to some of the symptoms you mentioned and I am sick of it but what can I do about it?

I’m glad you asked but right off the bat I’m going to tell you that whoever or whatever is on your back will not give up without a fight. How do you suppose a horse would go about getting someone off their back? They’d rare up and throw them off that’s how! No mamby pamby pleading with it or half measures here will get the job done. It doesn’t matter what issue it is that’s got you down, they’re all weapons formed against you by the enemy which is attacking you on a spiritual level and so you have to use the much more powerful spiritual weapons available to you to defeat it!

The number one weapon is Gods word!

A book of your rights as a child of the Most High God. A personal love letter to you that’s filled with lifesaving promises which are truth, that when spoken by you to your problems carry His same authority and are guaranteed to scatter the comparatively petty demons that are making your life miserable! You will get immediate relief, but they’ll be back to see if you’re serious or if you really meant what you said so continue to read The Word and hide it in your heart so that you’ll be ready to put another “whoopin” on ’em when they do!

If, I’m sorry…WHEN you run into trouble, or just aren’t getting the kind of relief you’re seeking you need to find a group of believers and ask them to agree with you in prayer over your needs. Here’s where it can get tricky, first off you’ll have to face your fear of walking into a church and at some point asking to be prayed over. That’s when our enemy will do everything he can to prevent this from happening and you from being helped! Try it, but be ready when our enemy starts to tighten is grip of fear around you and begins to speak lies to you because he most definitely will!

After all, he wants to continue to ride you…

You may go to a church and the people there seem like they don’t know what you’re talking about or that might even say,

“We don’t do that sort of thing here”

At which point just say “Okay thanks”  and just keep looking until you do find one!

When you do find some other believers and you and them pray together, the only way the Holy Spirit can work is for you to have faith. You’ve got to believe that Gods word and His promises are true, if you doubt that God can fix your problem or that He loves you enough to do it then you close yourself off. If you doubt that God is willing to fix it you’ll do the same thing. God loves you, He can do all things,and He is willing!

Matthew 8:2-3 And, behold, there came a leper and worshipped him, saying, Lord, if thou wilt, thou canst make me clean. And Jesus put forth his hand, and touched him, saying, I will; be thou clean. And immediately his leprosy was cleansed.

Tragically, our situation as Christians is that even though we may understand that through Christ we’ve been set free from the penalty of sin for all eternity we don’t seem to realize that eternity starts here and now! Someday all of us will stand before the Father and give an accounting of our lives. I’m sure we’ll tell Him about the many struggles we faced and point to our circumstances that kept us down. We may even try to explain that the reason we didn’t grab hold of the plan He had for us and become all He designed us to be is that we were paralyzed with fear.

You know what I think He’ll say?

What did you do with My Son?

In conclusion, I think that this is the whole point I’m trying to make…

If you’re saved by faith in Christ, you’ve been born again to rule over those things that would rule over you.