To Love Somebody

“I’d seen the sun in the sky with my eyes and understood with my intellect the laws governing the travel of its rays from there to here, but because I couldn’t constantly feel it’s warmth on my skin I called the whole thing into question.”

Can there be any greater question asked than “What is love” or what does it mean to “love somebody”? Perhaps not! Over the past couple of years I know I’ve struggled to find those answers. I’ve pursued the truth and tried to remain open to the likelihood that it wouldn’t necessarily coincide with my preconceptions. Much of that “seeking” has been shared here with you and as always, I hope you find something in what I’ve written that resonates with you and casts light on your own path…

What do I know about Love?

The first and most essential “thing” to know and embrace is that love isn’t a thing! It’s it’s own entity. It’s alive and real and exists entirely apart from us. It’s a very tangible, personal, presence we can’t possess and that can only be given unconditionally! One that our hearts are either open and welcoming to or closed and isolated from. It’s ultimately powerful and imparts it’s strength to us acting as an agent of change in our lives for the better. Love can come to us through something as common as the “secret ingredient” in mom’s cooking. Or speak to us through the inner empathic voice we hear that says, “You were once like that!” It’s what makes a man rise up early smiling and eagerly head to work everyday! But love can also take us to some un-familiar places like “your knees” where you find yourself desperately praying to whatever god is listening for intercession on someone’s behalf.

Love is divinely kind and wise and it shows us great respect in that even though it seeks to restore us in all ways it will only go where it’s invited or where doors are open. Love truly is all around us and how tragic it is that we can’t feel it because our hearts aren’t open! I think its under these difficult circumstances that love becomes creative and His methods most interesting. Working behind the scenes, choosing, Inhabiting and directing the necessary people and circumstances into peoples lives who’re destined to play a critical part in some cosmic “perfect storm” of revelation when we, as I did,sincerely request it!

Actually I feel like what I did was to demand it. I needed a personally unavoidable demonstration not unlike what Paul experienced on the Damascus road. And while I certainly wasn’t blinded, as a result my viewpoint has definitely been changed! In short…I’d seen the sun in the sky with my eyes and understood with my intellect the laws governing the travel of its rays from there to here, but because I couldn’t constantly feel it’s warmth on my skin I called the whole thing into question.

Of course I needed all this proof to occur despite my heart being closed, frozen solid and surrounded by glacial walls! Somehow I expected love to find me there hidden within the many tangled layers of impervious defense I’d built up over my life in response to the fear of pain…protecting and suffocating me all at once! It seems as though there are definitely times we can be our own greatest obstacle and I’m guessing that’s why it took so many years for all the components to come together. Not only in my life but also in the lives of all who were to be touched by what follows.

And so it happened one perfect summer evening that love chose to act upon me through the simple smile of a young girl. I don’t recall any rapturous swooning moment or anything like that, only the gentle warmth that seemed to reach out to me and touch the cold place inside causing the first huge piece of ice to melt and fall off of my heart! It was an opening through which love could now move, one which also allowed me to feel again! And with these new feelings came an onslaught of new questions, the answers to which were always supplied by “love” as long as I chose to listen. It was in that moment, in my heart at least, that she became my daughter. It became my joy to give her whatever she might ask of me that wasn’t obviously harmful and to concern myself with her welfare. I also saw fit to provide a few unsolicited “wants” to her and her family who were seemingly struggling at the time. I don’t see it as being wrong in any way to love someone or to feel good about helping people but for someone like myself it can easily become a situation where it becomes a bit more about you than it is them and that’s kind of messed up.

Blissfully unaware of my diversion from the prime directive of ” first do no harm” I had waded in about chest deep and it felt wonderful! Then one day while I was reveling in my own self aggrandisement I heard a voice in my head say…

Do you realize that God The Father loves you that much? and SO much more! And despite everything He’s already done for you is still more than willing to meet you where you are…He’s also eager to show how much He loves you! And now that you know how it feels wont you at least give Him that chance?

There before me my dilemma crystalized in all its painful beauty. It was hard to look at but I felt as though it was a blessed opportunity that I welcomed to invoke a “pattern interrupt” in my life and to somehow be the man that love saw me as and somehow believed I was! Simple things in life can be hard to learn, namely that I couldn’t (as only He could) love anyone perfectly! Believe me, perfection is a BIG deal to me! I feel as though whats happened, whatever it may be, has been a real game changer for me. After feeling rather hopeless about certain areas of my life and being spiritually adrift I now feel the empowerment to begin again and make some needed changes! It’s been the impetus for me to look at other relationships in my life both past and present, and at the people who’ve tried to love me (however imperfectly) that I’ve pushed away. As a further result I feel as if I’m able to give and receive love with a new openness in every relationship I’m a part of as a result of my new…

open heart

Here’s a news- flash!

It’s quite unrealistic to expect a perfect love from ourselves or others because our “selves” are always going to get in the way! I have a tendency to not trust in love so I find myself looking for reasons to affirm that mistrust.

I’m looking for a reason to reject others preemptively because I’m pretty sure that they’ll eventually reject me and I wanna be ready! I’ve found that if you focus on peoples imperfections and judge them for them instead of realizing the miracle it is that any of us can love at all you’re sure to reap what you sow!

That evening, In just a single moment love showed me it’s perfect self and then left me at loose ends.. scrambling to somehow find a way to give back the perfect gift I’d been given. Its been a gradual change for me since then but day after day I can still feel the ice melt and fall off. I’ll always be in loves debt and I’m still looking to make good on that… The only difference is that now I understand it’s a debt I owe to everyone!

I’ve found this to be quite a wonderfully humbling revelation!

And in case you didn’t know…that’s what’s known as a “teachable moment”

One which I’m happy to say is still in effect!

If I have any real point to make here it’s only this…

Thinking that God loved me didn’t do me any good! 

It’s only when we start to really know how much He loves us and how passionate He is about being a part of our lives that we can begin to receive the good “things” He has for us and as a result be empowered to transcend all of the petty in comparison trappings of this life that are the source of so much despair!

Treat yourself and have a listen to Sister Janis as she testifies!

The Sacrifice of Praise

In our society, if we don’t abide by the law, chances are at some point we could find ourselves answering to a higher authority. And then there are the laws of physics, far more absolute and impartial, but even they are subject to a “higher law”. Here’s an example…an airplane is much heavier than air and therefore according to the law of gravity it cannot fly. But when the law of thrust and air flow are introduced into the equation guess what? It flies! Because of the over-riding principles of a “higher law” which has dominion over it,what was impossible becomes possible.

The other day I was talking with a friend and I mentioned how glad I was to be “On this side of the cross”. I’d been reading some of the old testament books and was overwhelmed by all the sacrifices they seem to be constantly making. His reply to me was “We still make sacrifices,the primary difference being that everything we do now to honor God has to do with our hearts and not our hands!”

And he was right!

Mankind is still under the law,the wages of sin is still death! And of course the great news is that Christ’s death on the cross paid our sin debt freeing us from that penalty! Christ fulfilled the requirements of the law on our behalf and gave “Whosoever Believes” the opportunity to come under a new covenant based on higher precepts,or commandments. Ones that can’t be satisfied by anything less than the sacrifice of our own most precious possession…

Our Love!

Jesus told the Apostles this…

John 14:12

Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me, the works that I do shall he do also; and greater works than these shall he do; because I go unto my Father.

Healing people,feeding thousands with practically nothing,raising the dead,turning water into wine, these are just a few of the things Jesus did! How is it possible for us to do these things which are impossible based on the laws we understand? By understanding a higher law!

1 Peter 2:24

Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed.

Didn’t Christ die to redeem us from the curse of sin,sickness and death? If that’s true,and I believe it is, then the manifestation of what Jesus said then is possible in the here and now! More than that, it’s a foregone conclusion…ye were healed! The victory has been won! We simply must, by faith, acknowledge this truth and the power of the higher law Jesus the Christ died to make available to us!

We’re called to proclaim His Kingdom!

Luke 10:8-9

 And into whatsoever city ye enter, and they receive you, eat such things as are set before you: And heal the sick that are therein, and say unto them, The kingdom of God is come nigh unto you.

Matthew 4:23

And Jesus went about all Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, and preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing all manner of sickness and all manner of disease among the people.

The kingdom Jesus spoke of is a place where there is no sin. No sickness,pain or death. It’s a restoration of The Father Gods creation to it’s original condition as it was when He pronounced it “Very Good”. Not crippled,or sick, or afflicted in any way

Genesis 1:31

And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.

The gospel is “Very Good News” and I believe that the stronger our grasp is on the reality of the higher law which rules there, the less power the laws of this present, perceived kingdom can have over us! We simply subscribe to a higher truth,Gods truth! We choose to operate in it! Choosing to believe what He says about every aspect of not only our lives but the lives of others and the world as a whole…in short,by our adoption into His kingdom we adopt a whole new belief system that transforms everything about our lives! As a result, we’re empowered to speak to the deception’s of Satan’s kingdom and command them to flee!

Healings, deliverance’s, manifested blessings of all kinds!

Wouldn’t you like to see that?

I believe it’s possible,in truth,I think it’s required!

But first, would you give it up for God?

Whatever it is that you love most…

Just like Abraham did with Issac.

Except Gods not asking for your son,

He wants YOU!

To perform a sacrifice of praise, to put your pride on the altar…

And then stand back!

1 Peter 2:5

 Ye also, as lively stones, are built up a spiritual house, an holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices, acceptable to God by Jesus Christ.

When I Pray

In the mid nineties a book was published entitled “Conversations With God”. I thought the title was interesting and I heard great things about it so I bought it. And although I wouldn’t recommend the book for various reasons heretical piece of trash I’m still intrigued by it’s title. Having a conversation with God sounds so much more casual that prayer, and for many “too busy” people it’s a good fit. It’s our inner dialogue when we’re asking for direction in our lives or when we need answers. It can be us turning to God in sudden desperation and knowing that He’s there. Prayer is a conversation with God, one in which we do most of the talking…I have heard His voice speak to me before but that’s a whole other story. I’ve read in other places that prayer is the lifting up of our desires to God and hoping that they match His, and I can see the truth of that. To many, prayer most commonly happens in what we think of as being the traditional way, In a church or in a private place, heads bowed and on their knee’s. How we choose to relate to God is a personal thing to each of us, but regardless of how it happens we’re called to…

1 Thessalonians 5:17

Pray without ceasing.


So what is prayer and how can we do it without ceasing?

Isn’t it all of those things I mentioned and so much more?

Proverbs 3:6

In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.

As Christians, It’s at the heart of what it means to have a relationship with Christ. It’s the acknowledgment of our brokenness and of what Christ’s death on the cross means to us. It’s how we are to live our lives in His presence, abiding in Him and He in us.  When people ask me if God is real, or how do I know He loves me I often tell them “Why don’t you just ask Him?”… “Start a conversation with Him and see where it goes!”

Isaiah 26:3

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.

We can pray in the Spirit, speak in tongues, or with the tongues of man and of angel’s. Prophesy in His name, cast out demons or call Him Lord, Lord! We can worship on Sunday, or Thursday, or even on alternating Tuesdays…


But it’s only what’s in our hearts that matters to God!

I’ve written this to myself and maybe to other people who may feel somewhat discouraged at times about their prayer life. I sometimes feel overwhelmed by all of the people and things that really need to be prayed over in my life. At one point I was carrying a note pad in my back pocket to write down my prayer requests. I stopped because it was a “hassle”…oh boy, I have no defense for that! I know that our enemy is clever, and that he’s always looking to lay down some ground work so that at some point we might think,

” How could you NOT carry a note pad around in your pocket, don’t you care? You’re a “bad Christian”  lol…or this one, “I’m just no good at this, I can’t pray like so and so, it’s so beautiful when they pray!”, This goes for bible reading as well,  “I just fall asleep when I try to pray at night, whats the use?”

Prayer is an expression of the heart… We can use it to praise God! We can use it to lift up others into the presence of God, or to tell God the details of whats going on with us and to ask how we can bring our lives more into line with His will. I think whats critical is that we talk to God about whats most important to each of us, whatever that might be! That we do acknowledge Him in all of our ways and seek His council as to our lives. I’ve “prayed” in cars, and I’ve prayed for cars! I’ve whispered a quiet word and I’ve screamed at the top of my lungs! Most of the time I wake up and drift off to sleep in “prayer” thinking about how to live in Gods purpose more fully,or how to know him more intimately and serve Him more effectively. I know that if I had only “prayed” in one way I would’ve never been able to “pray without ceasing.” I don’t think that God wants us to view prayer as a task that we must perform, or as an empty ritual that’s done solely for the approval of  others who may see or hear us. I don’t think He’s impressed with anybodies great oratorical skills or commanding “King James Version” vocabulary. My problem is that I tend to become “religious” about prayer and that mostly has the effect of taking all of the fun out of it. What gives our prayers “umpfh” is the faith that’s behind them. I like to think of faith as being a conduit between us and God through which all business is done.

Faith is the bird that feels the light and sings when the dawn is still dark.


Philippians 4:8

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

On Sunset Hill


That’s what I’ve taken to calling our new place, it’s definitely on a hill and the view of the sunset is wonderful! We’ve been here one week today, and so far we’ve cleaned and painted, put up sheetrock,taped and mudded, done trimwork,electrical work, the difference is amazing! When I first saw the place I’ll admit I was creeped out.

The inside was the worst, (I’ll spare you the details) save to say that I didn’t feel comfortable to sit anywhere because of the amount of dust and cobwebs all over everything. Of course I’ve still got a lot of work yet to do but at least it seems livable now. I’m anxious to share a few pictures I’ve taken, mostly of the chickens…

This hen hatched out a couple of chicks the day before we moved. It’s kind of interesting how they go “broody”, they won’t leave the nest hardly at all for about a month. This hen seems to be recuperating pretty well, she’s the envy of the other hens with her brood in tow. One of the younger dogs got too close to her chicks and it was hysterical the way she ran him off!


It’s quite a bit different living here, mostly because I’m not at the end of the road anymore and I actually see cars driving by instead of just hearing them in the distance like I did before. It’s really nice being just off of  a paved road too, I had so many tire problems because of the two and a half mile’s of dirt and rocks I had to drive down at the other place.  It may just be the “newness” of being in a different place, but I really like it here!


It’s summertime now and I’m off from driving the school bus. Thats just one example of how the timing of this whole thing has been kind of incredible. So many things have fallen into place that I could never have arranged, little things and big things. A lot of things could’ve very easily turned differently and made this a very difficult experience… but they didn’t  and I am SO thankful for that!  I’m thankful to the Lord! It’s difficult to explain to people how that you’ve dodged the bullet time and time again and all of the uncanny circumstances that only you could know. I’ve heard people say that it takes a whole lot more faith to dis-believe in God than it does to believe in Him and in my case I know thats true! I’m also sure there are people who think I’m just a “Fool on the Hill”, or that whats happened to me is a result of my “mistakes” in life. Lots of people will tell you that money doesn’t buy happiness, but then they’ll  shake their heads in disbelief or even anger that you would under any circumstances allow this to happen. In my own defense, I can only say that I’ve tried to make all my little decisions with my head and all my big ones with my heart. This story’s a long way from over…stay tuned!