I swore to tell it,and it very nearly got me put in jail. I appeared in court on monday and it did’nt go very well…long story short, after a brief discussion of my circumstances and my attempt to arrive at some compromise I was told “this is not, lets make a deal” by the judge. She told me that she would give me 60 days to start making current payments on my support or I could go to jail, I then told her that she “might as well just do it now” because I could’nt see any possibility of anything changing especially without a drivers licsense. She FREAKED out, and started talking to my wife who was sitting in the gallery saying “do you want to talk to him? and try to talk some sense into him” so after being offered this deal 3 times I took it and decided to go home. Shortly after leaving it occured to me that I was the only one in the court who “did’nt get it”, she knows I can’t make these payments…she just wanted me to “LEAVE” and NOT come back…ever! I called her bluff when I said she might as well throw me in jail now and if she really meant what she said she would’ve slammed the gavel down on me and the bayliff would’ve put me in cuffs, but she did’nt mean it, she’s saving those jail spots for much more heinous offenders,not 47 year old men who’re behind on their child support. I will not return. When I got home I checked the mailbox and found out that my tax return had been seized (3998.00) I thought I had hit rock bottom but I guess that must have been a ledge or something…(bounce) Recently I read something I’d like to share at this point, Sometimes when God takes things away from us (or everything) it brings us to the place where we understand that God is really all that we need, what a blessing that is! sometimes we look around and things seem scary, but I’ve yet to miss a meal, I still have a roof over my head,and I’m robustly healthy! and I know that God has a plan for my life and that sometimes you have to make a bigger mess before you can start to do the “re-construction”, so despite all of my worldly troubles or actually because of them I want to cling even tighter to the thing I value most, HIM! What will happen next? stay tuned friends…because theres something on the way!
All of us have our issues in life that continue to whip us despite our effort’s to change or the pain that they bring into our lives and the lives of others. When we fail to deal with our “issues” correctly, we set in motion a series of circumstances in which we will through our actions, draw to ourselves, new opportunities to “change” For some this means jail time. What I found to be so heart wrenching was that behind the grizzly stubble of the most repugnant inmate is a bewildered child who’s become conditioned to being judged by people who simply by the “grace of God” aren’t just like them. Whom differentiate themselves by virtue of their great success at “attempting nothing”. To of been raised by loving parents, had mature adult coping skills modeled for them, only to lack the courage to walk into the “dark night” these men have walked into. Compelled by their hardwired prime directive to find love.
They say that only God can see into men’s hearts, or that it’s His exclusive right to “judge men”…but based on what He’s shared with me I can tell you for sure that HE”S not our accuser. Instead, He is the lover of our soul’s…