It was in May of ’08 that they re-possessed my car, a 2003 Subaru Brat, and within a week or so I was given a car to use that had been given to my pastor at the time by one of his congregation. Losing that car was hard, but it was fortunate for me in that by doing so I became eligible to receive food stamps without which my wife, daughter and I might have gone hungry! This was also the last month that I was able to make my mortgage payment of 700.00 on my home and 63 acres. It was along about this time I started thinking something was up and that my circumstances were a conspiracy of sorts. The things that I was able to do successfully were quite limited and for many months consisted of going to the grocery store, church, writing and an occasional venture into West Plains to Wal-mart or Aldi’s for necessities. One day I was reading another blog and I came across this bit of wisdom which seemed to describe my situation, it said…
“Sometimes when it seems as though you’ve lost everything that’s the time when God shows you He’s really all that you need!”
Those words seemed to bring me comfort because more and more I was understanding their truth and relevance in my life. I spent that summer blissfully unsure of whether I was in a state of grace or one of perdition. Despite the fact that my world was crumbling around me and I was apparently unable to do anything but watch it happen, this was an incredible time of spiritual awakening within me. I’ll always remember things like walking down my driveway at sunset talking to the Lord in the cool of the evening, or how even though we had hardly any money we always had gas to go into town to church and we even paid tithes! We still had a roof over our heads and plenty to eat and I wrote some of my most heart felt blogs about my deepening relationship with Christ and my total dependence upon Him. It was my “surrender” that allowed me to have peace knowing that there was a purpose to all that my family and I were going through.
My inability to pay my child support became a huge issue, I was summoned to court to show cause and I tried to explain my predicament to the judge. There was absolutely no way in the world that I could get a job without my having a drivers license which they had suspended! I was asked to return again at a later date which I did although the situation remained unresolved. My third scheduled appearance I was unable to make because I didn’t have the 100.00+ it cost’s in gas to make the five hour trip so I faxed the prosecutor asking for a continuance. Very soon after that I was told about the possibility of getting a job driving a school bus. I knew that you had to have a background check done to get it and that I probably had a bench warrant out for me so I stopped in at the sheriff’s department one afternoon and sure enough I was a wanted man! They seemed pretty shocked by what I was doing but dutifully took me into custody. I spent the next ten days in jail, after two days they sent a car for me to take me back to Cass county, it was a five hour ride in the back of a cop car with my hands tightly cuffed behind my back “Cass-catraz” I believe the inmates called it…
After I got out I didn’t get the first job that I was after but within a few weeks a friend at church told me about another school that was looking for a driver and eventually I was hired! One of the things that was so incredible was that I was hired with barely enough time for me to work and receive a paycheck so that I could make a 400.00 support payment that the judge ordered me to make! When I first got this job I was so broke, I remember that I had to ask the superintendent to loan me twenty bucks until I got paid so that I’d have enough gas to get back and forth to work. That was in October of 2008, and for the next eight months nothing really changed except that I added “Go to work” to my routine and had a little more money. Speaking of money, here’s something that will put my financial situation in proper perspective…In 2008 I made a total of 2950.00! I actually paid more in child support than I made the whole year, they took my 3900.00 tax return and I paid them over 600.00 to get me out of jail, 400.00 to keep me from going back to court and two or three hundred more in Nov. and Dec.
My home mortgage was almost a year behind by now, and even though my banker was a very kind and patient man who tried to help me avoid losing my home we both knew what was coming. My house had been on the market for over a year and the only real offer I had was for 100,000 which was rejected by our sales person without bringing it to us first for being too low. Ironically our house ended up selling for about 25% less than even that offer when it was all said and done! My house and property was appraised by the bank and came in at 148,000.00 I owed about 72,000 which is what the bank sold it for, I walked away with nothing…
4 replies on “Gods In It…(Pt.2)”
God Bless you for sharing your story…Look forward to learning more… This will certainly help many as they read about your journey.
God does act in mysterious ways. It is our faith that must be strong in knowing that we are his servants and he does take care of us.
We could certainly have a few laughs together, talking about some of our past experiences and maybe our present ones.
Here is a line that is very beautiful, and something that all enlightened beings say, “I was apparently unable to do anything but watch it happen, this was an incredible time of spiritual awakening within me.”
I wrote about this recently. A popular movie these days is titled “The Secret” which states that what you think shall come to being. I wrote that I disagree. While it feels that way, we can also see that whatever is occuring it is as if we are just witnessing it. As the famous passage goes,”Not my will but thy will.” That relates to your line that I enjoy so much. A great reminder.
I can think of all things that I sometimes want to take credit for creating, then think, “wait, someone else created this blog site. And someone else created the internet before the people who made this site.” I believe this line of thinking can lead to two places: existential loss, or a sense of knowing that everything is being taken care. And that we don’t need to be at the drivers seat so much. Another passage says, “look at the bird’s. They don’t worry for tomorrow.”
[…] most challenging circumstances in this life examples of persecution? Of course not! There have been times in my life when I have felt persecuted or under spiritual attack and yet there have been other […]