Thats what they say about communism,that in theory it seems to work or make sense but in the real world it does’nt. The ideas behind it are sound,equality for everyone right? So whats the rub? Basicly its the old adage that absolute power corrupts absolutely. I’ve been on the road now for about ten or eleven days,working 12-14 hours a day.While at the same time,trying to quit smoking cigarettes.Some of you are laughing out there and I want you to know that I am SO not joking.My circumstances have brought me to the brink of my personal ideology and left me standing here with my finger in the leaking dyke.It has held,I’m still not smoking …(thank you God) but what a revealing experience as far as finding out if your belief systym is more theory or practice.Its pretty easy to talk about philosophy and ethics in a vacuous environment,but you’ll never know if you’re boat leaks until you put it into the water,or, what kind of a bailer you are until the waves crash over the side and you find yourself struggling to keep afloat.There have been times over the past couple of weeks when I felt as if I was justified in being angry,short with people,at times just stupid…so I acted out,but afterwards I would consider what had happened,and seek forgiveness or try to reach a new understanding with whoever I needed to with.I’ve always thought that expressing your feelings in an un-edited way is healthy,I think all feelings are a process,(cognitively we know they are) and that I am best off to go thru it as quickly as possible if the feeling is negative,(one lap around the track and then find the exit ramp) this way I’m not repressing anything,except the desire to make a total ass of myself which is a good thing.I mean…nobodys perfect right? I don’t care who you are.or how together you think you’re head is.life gives tests and you will fail some of them,others you will pass barely,either way it can be an important learning experience.hopefully I’ll be home soon to the relative tranquility of my farm.back to my vacuous environment.

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